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Maybe we are really not suit to each other???!!!

My godness.. argue again.. it always is my fault. Why everytime also like this? Yeah, it might be my problem.. when i too focus on do something, i hate got other thing to disturb me, even a little noise and this will make me angry because it broke my idea or stop my thinking.. is it my weaknesses, in her mind.. yes.. this is my weaknesses.. suddenly i dont know how to communicate with her.. haiz.. really nothing much can say already.. i am too tired for the argue.. really tired.. currently i just wish to 100% focus on my work... i already put less concern on her.. maybe should let go on this moment.. this is my fault.. i just wish she can happy always.. somebody tell me what to do...pls...

Am i wrong?????

I just want to buy a cheap cot only. why want to argue like that... actually i have nothing to say! Don't know what to say... am i wrong all the way, maybe yes.. but did you know i am lack of money now... i just want to save some money.. even petrol money for this month also not enough already.. what you want me to do.. am i brainless, she say so... if i am brainless, i will straight away buy the RM 900 cot already even i am not enough budget. this is called brainless... i also want a quality cot, but i don't have such budget.. my budget is not over 400.. i am not stubborn, i just want to save money, that's all.. fine..
you are right, i haven't seen the padini cot, how i going to know whether it was cheap or expensive.. but just now i just want to try on it and see whether nice or not only, i din say i want to buy on the spot.. then you leave me alone, don't want care about me.. do you know what i am thinking or not? i just want to try it out and see what's the look when i wearing a cot.. i was just want to have a try the get it on only.. and let you see.. you boyfriend is attend the convo soon.. through out 3 tough years, finally i get it on.. yes, i omit that i got interest to buy that cot also, because it cheap.. it really cheap, after discount only RM 320.. but i din say i want to buy now.. after that i not happy because you din even want to bother about me.. just say not nice, bad quality, i just want to have a try.. have a try.. and let you see... do you understand...
some time i act like not happy, black face, is just want to have your attraction. talk with me, argue abit with me, but not big arguement like hell.. i just want let you know what i am thinking now.. i don't know how... i am confuse.. maybe you are right.. we are not come from same world.. but dont know why, i am very hurt and sad now.. cry or don't cry.. i don't know..
i don't know why, why i can handle my work without panic? when i face to my relationship i will start to panic... everything was planned.. why now you are attempt to break it... i don't want to see you breaking our planned... maybe i know the reason.. is because i am too dependent on you... when at office, everything i will solve by myself, when come back home, i wish you can solve everything will me together.. maybe it was the main cause for this.
you are right also, i am look like loser.. but it just in front of you.. if i was not appreciate our relationship, i can just go away and dont want bother you just now. but i can't! Relationship is a responsibility.. and you and the one for me.. what else i can do..
sometime i really wish that i will be a dog and stay beside you, keep quite staying beside you.. accompany you forever until the end of my life... of course now i am human, as you say it's bad human, loser, useless boyfriend, brainless, suck like hell... and i was also treat you bad now...
i dont know whether you will forgive me this time or not.. i wish to staying beside you forever..
no matter how, here i promise you, in next life, i will be a good dog staying beside you, be your guardian, protect you, wont let bad people hurt you anymore.. i really wish to be..
i love you forever...

Worry...

Next week is my fyp presentation and i'm worry until every night can't sleep well, always think about it, some time even dream of it.
FYP ar... you really make me in the worry mode..
Seriously, i really need some one fully support me and help me out in this few weeks.
But she is not... hmm... can't say not also, because she also always support me by giving spirit to me, but the only thing is she still always order me to do this and do that...
i have no time to finish my fyp system development already, i don't wish to do other thing, i only want to concentrate on my final sprint of my fyp...
i am tired...
besides, she is still keep in touch with that guy every night, it make me can't concentrate on my work also but she don't understand and always argue with me... i know i am not as good as that guy, but can her please let me concentrate on my work on this few days and don't sms with him... i know she can't do that... i was just dreaming.. haizz..
my life really pity...

Happy hour and the saddest time

If you ask me, do i have a happy and good time with my girl friend?? I can tell you, YES! I like her smile, her smile is melt my heart. Whenever she smile, i feel comfortable. It's such a cute girl but very sad that i can't even let her feel comfortable and safety.

We have a lot of good time and sweet time, although most of the time we also argue during outing, funny?? But yesterday is the perfect hour, i wish everyday will same like that also. We go shopping, got discussion during shopping, she feel happy. I also feel happy. Although in the half way we also a little bit of argue, but at last we also settle it, i know the problem is cause by me also. Sorry, babe...

After that, we go sing k, we shout together, we sing together, we eat together, and i saw her happy when she is in the singing mood. I hope this moment will come on me again.

Any saddest thing? YES! There is a lots and i admit that most problem is cause by me also. I don't like argue.. i don't like fighting. and i don't like be stupid like hitting my head to the wall and i really feel painful and dizzy now.. and feel like want to vomit also.. But i know she won't believe what i say. but i really do not feel very well now.. even now i am lying down on the table and post this, i feel not energy and dizzy at all... that's sound weird..

Why other couple can be very happy and i am not?? Every problem is cause by me?? Most probably yes! I feel lonely suddenly.. crying is the best way to spread out my stress because nobody want talk with me now.. she say i look very bad when i am crying, but i say i feel very sad when i am crying..

Sorry, babe..

That's all, my head is really something wrong and very pain now.. my eye is blur now..

Happy hour and the saddest time

If you ask me, do i have a happy and good time with my girl friend?? I can tell you, YES! I like her smile,

Again again and again... useless boyfriend is really suck

Again, again... i argue with my girl friend again because of the small little thing that about the my laptop.....

Is it my fault again??!! Yeah, i think so... But i am really in stress... all assignment in the semester due in the same time.. and a big Final Year Project development also due in the same time.. i have dozen of thing to settle and felt very stress because i keep all the thing in my heart.

I dun wan to be crazy.. but when i saw she break down the laptop one more time, although that obviously is an accident, when the laptop is being down, i had a very bad feeling at that time.. and i just remember my supervisor told me that i will only get 20 marks out of 50, then my supervisor also told me that my 2nd report will only can get 20 marks based on my quality. Means that, my fyp2 will only get a D, my mood is going down and exceed the bottom of my heart. Then i am getting emo and keep blaming my girl friend on that case. What am i doing???!!! it such a useless guy's attitude. Am i the useless guy? i think i am..

I keep on argue with her on this, and waste her time. Act. i have try to stop myself to being emo at that time, but when i can't. Until she say want to break up with me, more argument come in. One more thing is i need to decide whether i want to continue my work on every weekend or focus on study for my final semester, which is the hardest semester. I need her comment, but she keep on emo also and dun wan to talk with me. I feel very sad, really sad. I dun know what to do.. I know i deserve all this, and she was right.

3 years past through, she told me just now and say she is very regret being together with me. When i heard this, it just like a knife slot in my heart and bleeding seriously. I really need to relax my feeling at that time, i say i need to talk with her, and she ask me go and talk to the wall.. which i always do while nobody beside me. That feeling is no good, because the wall won't response to you and give you any comment and advise.

The only way that i can spread out and try to relax my mind is just write it all in here.

I don't know what to do...